This is why I have fallen in love with you

I’m surprised by how strongly I’m influenced by you, but I see now why our souls decided to cross paths. I’m not saying we’re meant to be, although I’d love that, but there’s definitely reasons for us, I know. We’re connected, and I feel it, and it’s not just in my head. I know our connection is more than superficial because I feel it in my core. Our connection is one that above anything, has made me a better woman. You don’t even know this, and that’s the funny part, but you don’t have to because I do, and I appreciate it. I appreciate you. I get it, and as impatient that I can be, as much as I want to adjust our story and peek into our future sometimes, I must admit that either way, you’ve permanently affected me in a way in which I can only be grateful for.

Just listen..

You provoke me in a way that no one else can. When it comes to you, I’m helpless to myself. I react in ways that I’m quite unfamiliar with. It’s easier to dismiss someone rather than invest in them, and because of that I’d normally just let you go, I’d normally not give a fuck, I’d normally keep it moving, I’d normally not sweat you at all, but you get to me.

I know you don’t realize this. I know it’s not personal. I know it’s unintentional, but when it comes to some of your actions, I can’t lie, they fucking bother me. They cause me to feel inhibited and reactive, and that shit drives me nuts. I just want to punch you sometimes. You see, I’m used to being in control, but with you, I seem to have none, and that shit gets under my skin. You’d think I’d run, but instead, I’m intrigued. I’m curious, I’m suspicious, I’m skeptical, and I want to figure us out. No matter the discomfort, I still want us, I still want you. You test my limits, and I still want you. They all want me, and I still want you. I guess I have the habit of taking risks, but whether you’re my greatest love, or my greatest lesson, in either case, you have my full attention.

You’ve switched up my theory. I try to go by the flow but you trigger me in a way that causes me to feel somewhat dislocated with you. It’s like we’re in two different time zones, and that shit throws me off. It fucking agitates me to be honest. It makes me feel like I’m being thrown into an unfamiliar space, a bumpy ass rode. How can I go by the flow if there’s none ? Maybe we’re not supposed to, maybe our power lies within our turbulence.

Though we may not have the easiest connection, you bring healing to my life. Your something like my savior. You have helped me shut down certain habits, and certain ways that do nothing but confine me, and I’m hooked to that. You have literally helped me accelerate my growth and maturity. That’s what makes you so special to me. You push me to embrace other qualities in me, and for that, I’m grateful for you. Being with you has forced me to discover vulnerabilities I never knew I had. Being with you has forced me to face them, and that has helps me move forward. It helps me evolve. Any pain that I’ve encountered with you is so intensified, it’s impossible to ignore. At the time I hate you for it, but then I’m thankful. I’m thankful because you bring me awareness. You expose me to myself. Things that I’ve been hiding, have suddenly become obvious again. My old wounds decided to come out and play, and I realize now that I’ve needed this. We were meant to be, even if it’s not forever. I needed this because now that I’ve incorporated my wounds, I can begin to heal myself. I can learn how to really love myself. I’m learning how to truly care for myself. I’m learning how to have compassion for myself, because through you, I’ve been forced to acknowledge my pain and suffering. Being with you has caused me to assimilate and digest my vulnerabilities, and that ultimately has made me better.

I can be naive. Anytime you’d trigger me, I’d become a complete maniac on the other side of the phone. I’d see myself as the victim and I’d hate you. After some time though, I’m then able to think more rationally. My life has found reason for you. I’ve realized that integrating and addressing my pain, rather than ignoring it, is a way to heal. It’s a way to grow. It’s a way to embrace my strength. With you I have found closure, and my old ways no longer serve me. I have found the value of having empathy for myself, with you. You seem to help me grow in ways that would have been much harder for me to do on my own. You have literally made me a better woman, and I think that’s why I have fallen in love with you. Your a plot twist, but I enjoyed being twisted with you. You may not be mine to keep, but it was nice having you, and you can go now if you’d like, but you’ll always be in my heart.

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