I’ve been going through some changes. Changes that have helped me develop into the woman that I am today. My level of growth, maturity, wisdom, awareness, perception and understanding of people and situations, my level of confidence and patience, have all increased, and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful because above anything, this development has led me to find some peace of mind, and to me, that’s powerful. Finding peace within myself is so powerful because without it, I’ll be lost. Without it, I’ll be held back, and I can’t be held back. I can’t waste my time on things I can’t control, or on trying to solve all the unanswered questions that lie deep in my heart. I must continue to walk with my head held high, regardless of anything or anyone. I have so much going for myself, so many goals and dreams in place, so many blessings to be grateful for, and I realize that. I’m done tripping over nonsense. I’m done chasing after love. I’m done trying to communicate with those that don’t want to communicate. I’m done beating myself up for shit I couldn’t quite succeed in. I know now that everything happens for a reason. When I sit back and think about each and every experience in my life, it literally all falls into place. One thing had to happen, in order for the other to happen.
I’m done crying, I’m done asking why, and I’m done waiting. Lord take it if it isn’t mine. I promise not to question you anymore. I promise to be thankful instead.
I’m thankful for each and every single life experience that I’ve encountered thus far. I see now that they were meant to be. I see now that I needed all of it in order to become the woman I am today, in order to continue to blossom. This whole time I’ve let it all drive me completely insane, not wanting to let it go, letting it all clutter inside of my head, trying to fix and figure everything out, but not anymore. I’ve now achieved mental clarity. I’ve now been freed from ambiguity. My path ahead is illuminated, and my mind is calm. Not sure what my future holds, but either way I’m so grateful.
I’m grateful for it all.
I’m grateful for heart breaks, because through them, I’ve learned the value of self-love.
I’m grateful for every wrong choice, because through them, I’ve learned lessons.
I’m grateful for every set back, because through them, I’ve learned to overcome.
I’m grateful for every hardship, because through them, I’ve learned to persevere.
I’m grateful for nursing school, because through school, I’ve learned the value of hard work and dedication.
I’m grateful for every mistake, because through them, I’ve learned to self-reflect, in order to learn from them.
I’m grateful for my job, because through working, I’ve learned management, responsibility, and how to take accountability.
I’m grateful for ups, downs, gains, and losses, because through them, I’ve learned contentment. Knowing how it feels to lose something or someone, has made me appreciate and be content with who and what I have right now.
I’m grateful for literally everything.
I’m grateful for my coworkers, because through them, I’ve learned teamwork.
I’m grateful for food, because I know what it’s like to starve.
I’m grateful for money, because I know what it’s like to be broke.
I’m grateful for electricity, because I know what it’s like to come home to none.
I’m grateful for my car, because I know the struggle of being without it.
I’m grateful for my bed, because I know what it’s like to sleep on the floor.
I’m grateful for heat, because I know what it’s like to try to sleep through the cold at night.
I’m grateful for my patients, because without them, I’d probably never realize that there are much bigger things to worry about.
I’m grateful for my friends, because they love me, and I never asked them too.
I’m grateful for my lovers, because they help me figure out what I want or dont want in a man.
I’m grateful for my family, because not everyone has one.
I’m grateful for my children, because not everyone can have their own.
I’m grateful for my health, because without it, I’d be compromised.
I’m grateful for my flaws and imperfections, because they’ve taught me the value of self-acceptance.
I’m grateful for being difficult to handle, because that way I know whoever stays, is staying because they really want to.
I’m grateful for my clothes, and shoes, and socks, and panties, and blankets, and pillows.
Shit, I’m grateful for my damn lotions, soaps, deodorants, make up, hair products, skin products, hygiene products….. man… even my damn razors. That has all made me realize the value of self-care, and caring for yourself is loving yourself.
I’m grateful for all the compliments I receive, because ya’ll might not now, because sometimes, I need to hear them.
I’m grateful for every laugh, every surprise, every satisfaction, every gift, every text, every call, every hug and kiss, every I miss and love you.
Most importantly, I’m grateful for my life. I’m so grateful for my life because I know that tomorrow isn’t promised. Everyday someone loses their life and yet–I’m still here, and so are my children, and my loved ones, and for that…. I’m so damn grateful.
My toughest moments have been my most defining ones, my most meaningful and precious ones, and because of that, I’m learning to just chill. I’m learning to just let things be, to let people be. To let things fall apart, so that better ones can fall together. To let the people that want to go, go–so that the people that want to come, can come. I’m learning that when it rains it pours, but when it shines, it shines bright. One door closes, and another opens. I fall, and I get back up. I’m learning to just do me. I’ve always been a giver, but I’m learning that in order to continue giving, in order to care for others, I need to give to, and care for myself first. I deserve to be loved, and to be happy, and to heal, too. Why be alive and not live when god continues to bless me every single day with another morning, another hello, another I love you, another breathe. I’m always putting everyone else before me, I worry and care for others more than they care for themselves, and I invest so much energy into them, when I should experience all of that for myself, as well. I’m okay with being a provider, with providing tender care and love, with providing attention, with helping, with listening and having empathy for others, even if I don’t get any of it back–it’s who I am. It’s the heart and soul that God has instilled in me. I’m an initiator. I’m a creation of love and everything in life begins with love. I’m so worthy, and so special, and whoever can’t see that, it’s okay. I won’t take it personal. I’ll remain loving. I love my life, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my co-workers, I love people, I love to love, and most importantly, I love myself, and I love God. Believing in God keeps me hopeful. Believing in God keeps me faithful. Believing in God keeps me going, and for that, I’ll continue to come through. I will realize and reach my fullest potential using and embracing all the gifts and abilities God has given to me. I will continue to be thankful and grateful, not only because I don’t take my blessings for granted, but because I know they’ll continue to gravitate towards me.
I realize now that people change, even if I wish they didn’t, even if I don’t want to understand it at the moment–I can’t be selfish, and I can’t take it personal. They too, deserve better. They too, deserve to discover. They too, deserve to evolve. They too, deserve to blossom. They too, deserve to be loved. They too, deserve to be happy, even if isn’t by me. I can’t control what can’t be controlled and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. It wouldn’t be genuine, and if isn’t genuine, it won’t make sense, and if it don’t make sense, it won’t work at all. That’s why fake people get away with deceiving me, because all I know is real, but that’s okay. In despite of it all, I’ve discovered true serenity–a tranquil balance of my heart and mind–and nothing is more powerful. I’m going to continue to live my best life, in appreciation of having one. I won’t let anything stop me from living. I’ll be hurt me, but I won’t be broken. I can’t be broken, and even when I’m gone, my soul will never be forgotten. I’m already legendary. I’ll be remembered for my sincerity, for my humbleness, for my altruism, for my faith, for my ambition, for my strength, for my passion, and for my heart. I’ll continue to deliver love, while others continue to deliver animosity. People like me literally make the world a better place. I’m proud of the woman I am today, and I can’t wait for the woman I will become in the future.
One day I’ll be so high up above, ya’ll may not really see me anymore. Well–I hope–Nothing’s really promised. Either way, rich or poor, alive or dead,
Remember me this way.