So as I was walking to the polls, I asked two older men that were holding signs up, if I was going the right way. One of them said, “yeah you are. Just make sure you have your green card or passport with you, whichever one you have” as he laughed at the same time. The other man instantly looked at him.
I didn’t know how to take that. I said thank you and proceeded. But honestly, it hit me after. My social and generalized anxiety disorder kicked in.
All the thoughts and feelings that came to my head as I felt a knot in my stomach at the same time…
Why did he assume I wasn’t born here ? Or that I wasn’t an American ? Simply because I’m colored ? Do I look like I don’t belong here ? Even with a mask on ? Do I really not blend in ? Or was he jokingly calling me an immigrant ? Because green card holders can’t vote , nah ? Why did he say that to me ? Do I look out of place to others , too ? Was he ridiculing me ? Or did he not realize what he was saying ? Am I being dramatic ? Why am I taking this personal ? Unintentionally and naturally I am.
I felt very out of place as I continued to walk. I felt like it wasn’t my place to vote , as if my vote doesn’t matter because I’m not white and don’t belong here, and although the constitution says I do, to many I just will never. Those are laws, but I’m genuinely not valued or considered a true American. I felt like if they had a choice, they would tell me to turn around. Simply because of the color or tone of my skin, or my non-American features I guess, idk…whatever those truly are..idk..I felt as if my voice carries no value.
It was truly a walk of shame before and after voting , as I had to pass right by him again. I walked with my head down. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, without really knowing why. I just felt it…he asked me , “ did you get to vote ?, because you can put the sticker on my chest “, as he tapped on his chest. I don’t know what he meant or if he was trying to be nice but I just said yeah, fake chuckled, and told him to have a nice day.
So mean 😔 Only if he knew how many men just like him , I comfort and heal everyday when their sick or dying at the hospital..
If that affected me that much, I can only imagine the others that deal with this on a regular. As much as you try, a part of you deep inside just feels disconnected. And it’s sad. I’d lift us all from the bottom and embrace us all at the top, no matter your origin.
I shouldn’t expect the world to be fair with me, just because I’m fair with the world. I know.
Choose your words wisely, as they are without a doubt the most powerful force available to humanity, thus having the energy and power to hurt, hinder, humiliate, and harm more than you can imagine. I don’t feel that way no more. I’m good. I’m just saying ,—be kind, or idk, think about the things you say, because they hurt, and they’re uncomfortable.